Relationships in Later Life

Relationships in later life present unique challenges. It is a time when one can see the “end of the runway” and goals and priorities shift. “I’ll do that one day” becomes “I need to do it now because I don’t know how much longer I’ll have”. It is also a time of adjustment as retirement also brings more “together” time than during the time of raising children or being away advancing careers. Problems in the relationship that could be conveniently overlooked during busier times rise to the surface and are more apparent.

It is also a time of loss. The loss of a partner, the loss of one’s health or the loss of friends. The goal is to navigate the losses and adjust to health concerns while also achieving contentment of a life well lived. For some, that may be letting go of regrets and what wasn’t. For others, it may be developing a new purpose in life beyond one’s prior professional identity. This new focus on individual needs can affect the couple relationship and require a new understanding of life together.

Couples who have been together over 40 years and older couples who are in new relationships have very different stressors. Those who have been together for many years cannot remember a life without their partner. The prospect of living alone when one has never really lived alone is a major adjustment. For newer couples in later life, there are the challenges of whether to blend families or not, how to share or keep separate finances and how to live together after being used to living alone.

Recognizing the stressors and developing the tools for coping and resilience can make this stage of life one of the most fulfilling times in one’s life.